Miscarriage Memories

After the Rite of Commendation at St. John's Church in Little Canada we walked up the stairs to go to the cemetary to bury our baby and Stefan's beautiful response to the experience was to request another baby . . . by next January. His words were, " Since this baby didn't get to live, Mom, how about if we have another baby by next January? That would be good wouldn't it?"

I will always remember these precious thoughts that the boys share. These thoughts help me to grieve and hope and hug and love the two miracles that God shared with us.

Sue, the Pastoral Minister asked the boys to help at the gravesite. There was a beautiful white prayer shawl that women from the church made to use as a cloth to cover the casket. We were able to take this with us; what a beautiful gift to remember the ceremony. They got to bless the baby with Holy Water as well as each other, Mom and Dad, and Grandma and Grandpa. We scattered some tulip petals into the grave that Auntie Gretchen had brought out and then we each threw a handful of dirt on the casket. The hole was so deep. How symbolic for the sorrow I know is so deep.

I had asked the boys to make a card for the baby and we would read them at the gravesite. Nicholas read his:

Dear baby
I'm sorry That you died.
I don't know why, But I'm sad.
how is it in hevean?
what does God look like.
I Love you!
Love your Brother, Nicholas.

Stefan had cut a heart out and wrote:
DEAR BABY I LOVE YOU LOVE STEFAN

So, tonight I wrote a song after Stefan's request to sing a lullaby to the babies so that they would be safe. He told me that the first word was "Baby" but he was too tired to listen to it tonight so he just wanted to listen to our daily Lullaby. I went downstairs to write and this is what his request brought:

Baby, Baby, Bye for now.
Praying, Praying, You know how.
Angels Carry You.
Loving, Soothing, Gentle Care.
Mary, Jesus, Peace Be There.